Sunday, 11 October 2009

That's why I never will f*** George Clooney !

Remember season 3, episode 32 of the original SATC series ?
Well I sure do !
It's the one were Carrie has a romance with politician Bill and when they are a few weeks into their relationship, Bill asks her to pee on him !
Hilarious when she suggested to sprinkle cold tea on him instead of her pee-ing...
A couple of weeks ago my BFF and I were talking about who is a perfect looking man in tinseltown. If I remember correct, hers was the new James Bond, Danie Graig (not a bad choice) and mine was, very predictable, George Clooney (he's so talented, and sexy, and generous...and he owns a house in ITALY = perfect man = what else).
The conversation led into having sex with this man ; I said, in a very 'sure & certain' way, oh no .. no sex, never, suppose he farts, wich he sure will and he makes the most horrible noises in the bathroom when brushing his teeth, my dream(man) will be shattered !!!
Can't have that, can we ?
Obviously, he will be very human and who knows even gentle and sweet but knowing that he's George Clooney and he can have any woman in the world (well, almost) makes me shaky and I know any orgasm will be running off to a land called oblivion.
Now, the reason I'm telling you guys this is, there is ALWAYS an 'I've told you so' story behind it !
I have a girlfriend, Lisa, who lives in Switserland. I don't see her that often but when she's in Belgium, we always meet and have our 'catch up' lunches or coffee-breaks.
We were in this lovely place in the Schuttershofstraat in Antwerp, can't remember the name actually but they serve the best panini's and salads ever !
Have to write a post about that place too someday, but I'm drifting !
I was frothing my milk in my cappu when she suddenly and very out of the blue told me she had a fling, well more of a 1 night stand with the most handsome guy of her town. The area were she lives is near Geneva and crowded with beautiful people. I immediately knew who she had the fling with !
She told me about six months ago about this guy and like any girl, this is recorded onto the hard disc in my brain.
At that time, she told me he was very handsome,tall, broad-shouldered and had intriguing dark eyes...(for me a George Clooney look-a-like cause I never saw the guy before but a woman's fantasy works in mysterious ways).
The one word that kept whirling in my mind, was that he still was SINGLE.
Suspicious no ? Why would such a handsome guy still be single, let alone never be married (ever) ?
I am a very suspicious nature concerning people in general ; if my tummy says mmmmm, and I can't just be naturally happy for her, 9 times out of 10, cliché will follow.
To make a long story short, they had sex.
He seemed to have a feet-fetish (still ok with that, I'm just a bit tickle-ish around my feet) - he sucked every toe, all 10 of them !
He went down on her (until now, we like the guy, he thinks about a woman's pleasure before his) but then apparently tonguetrusted himself to her butt, the holy grail and I couldn't stop laughing (obviously, she never experienced something like this before, well, not on a 1st date anyway)
I can understand why she was shocked, cause when you know your guy is into these things, you can at least 'prepare' in giving him the pleasure of a fresh, trimmed and hairfree 'strip' between the butt-cheeks.
What's the fuss all about, I hear you guys thinking (trust me, I'm with you guys) but the best was yet to come !
He then asked her not to pee but to poo on her !
VERY difficult ....first of all, practically, WHERE do you sh*t ?
Can someone even take a dump on demand ?
I know I can't expect before 9AM and after my 2 morning coffees !
Would he have fixed her drink with some sort GHB-laxative ?
I think it really was a 1 night stand for her at that point. Can understand the poor girl !
See, never ever have sex with someone you adore too much ! Or is too handsome to be true or is both AND single !! There's always a snag !
Any Carrie/Lisa* stories to share w/ the blogworld ? Come on, get it out of your system !

*the names and places have been changed to protect the innocent ...


Jack Daniel said...

Oh my LORD, dominica. This post is just...kinda gross. Hahahaha.

I understand why he is still single...he's literally DIRTY. Haha.

diane said...

Ditto on what J.D. said.
Love you for posting this. xo

Alessandra said...

I am dying here! Hahaha It's 1:36am and I can't that I read this, I will probably have nightmares. hahahaha

This is gross but hysterical! I agree with you on this 100%.

Very funny story. xoxoxo

Have a great week!

Belle said...

hahaha. That sounds crazy!

JFK Jean said...

No commento.....

Vanna said...

This is amazing. What an engaging read. hahahaha. I never thought you would be so explicit!

Anonymous said...

@Trinalikeswine I don't know whether to laugh or throw up! Good grief! LOL!